MEET A REAL KILLER----SUFFERING THE CURSE OF CAIN

AS SOON AS I HEARD THE RUMORS, I MADE MY WAY TO HIS CAMP. I will need all my courage and skills to get this story. With some trepidation, I approach. You are looking at a man who has taken well over a hundred thousand lives---who proudly identifies himself as a killer.

I'm afraid of him-----and yet mesmerized. I ask him about his scooter, its mileage and his travel style. He answers---I marvel---ask more harmless questions---get permission for pictures. His loneliness is my way in.

Soon I am a welcome guest. I do believe I could interview Satan---even He would enjoy telling his story to an inquiring mind.
He shows me how he transports his worldly goods on this makeshift rack. For some years now he has wandered the world ---purposeless---angry---hopeless----unwilling or unable to build a new identity.
And then----and then---I get the story---he's convinced that I care---AND I DO! Here's the story: He has personally killed more than a hundred thousand animals---mostly cows and pigs--and some horses. His only career was killer in a slaughter house---started at 18---was hired not knowing what his job would be----was shocked at first---but got on with it. Said he suffered horrible nightmares for a long time---then they went away-----then something astounding happened---HE BEGAN TO ENJOY KILLING---began to love it---said he would often kill a string of cows to jam up the processing line so he could take a break.

Then something horrible happened: HE BEGAN TO ENJOY CRUELTY! I will spare you details of his cruelty---(though he did not spare me) The only good news is that it was soon noticed and the company moved him to another job. It did not satisfy and he went off to another state and began a second career as a self employed killer and processor for small farmers.

He got married and had kids but she divorced him after 23 years. A minor stroke and mental stresses a few years ago disabled and qualified him for SSI compensation on which he travels and survives living in a tent.

Says he's not killed anything in a while---but shows me that he could. Oh sweet readers---this interview nearly did me in. I came home and cried. Here is a soul that has been seared by killing---and I'm afraid that everyone who eats meat helped do the searing. I don't know how to feel. Is there a way to kill that does not scar our being?

RANDY PHILOSOPHIZES: I thought of Cain---killer of Abel---marked and cursed by God to be a restless wanderer on the earth. This guy looks and fits the name. Strangely, he tells everyone he meets that he is a killer. (puzzled over this awhile) Now I think I understand why he does it: As dreadful as this admission is-----it is less dreadful than NOTHINGNESS. (being Nobody)---Killer is at least an identity---and any identity is more bearable than being nobody. (Nothingness is the anxiety of non existence----and PUSHING AWAY NOTHINGNESS is the full time obsession of all humans)